Archive for the Post Session Musings Category

Client Irritating You? Boring You? It is Useful Counter-Transference

Client Irritating You? Boring You? It is Useful Counter-Transference

When we tell someone at a party that we are a psychotherapist, they inevitable ask “Don’t you get bored hearing about everyone’s problems”? Or “Doesn’t it get irritating listen to people complain about their problems all day”? Most therapists would agree that our work is hardly irritating […]

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Your Client Wishes You Were Friends; Its Oedipal

Your Client Wishes You Were Friends; Its Oedipal

Sometimes clients express their wish that we could be friends. Sometimes the feeling is even mutual. There may be practical reasons, such as aspects of our personalities that align in such a way that we imagine a friendship would be viable. But this is not why our […]

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Anger Matters

Anger Matters

This is a text I received from my 7 year old son one morning upon realizing I wasn’t going to the zoo with his class that day. Note the sadness descending into violent rage.   This is jack you better be come to the feeld trip Keran […]

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“I don’t want to talk about Rwanda”

"I don't want to talk about Rwanda"

The extremes of human suffering can serve to discount one’s own more mundane complaints.

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Coupledom is great; But Singlehood ain’t too shabby either

Coupledom is great; But Singlehood ain’t too shabby either

As an analytically oriented psychotherapist, I am always thrown a bit by “attachment theory” and “attachment parenting”. What about the other side of the coin, separation? Both attachment and separation are capacities that must be achieved. They are accomplishments that need to be nurtured in our children, […]

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Who is going to Win; You, or your Relationship?

Who is going to Win; You, or your Relationship?

When couples fight, the need to be right can easily distracts us from the damage that insistence does to our relationship. Unfortunately we really have to chose who is going to win, you or your relationship. Most folks come upon it honestly. In childhood we need to […]

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Time is my Higher Power

Time is my Higher Power

  When I first entered 12 Step recovery in my early 20’s I was faced with the daunting task of identifying a “Higher Power”. I came to the program anti-religious, not particularly spiritual, and very committed to rational thought. I was also un-trusting enough to make relying […]

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Find and Create Light

Find and Create Light

    In this season of holidays, may light win out against darkness, and the miraculous reveal itself in the wonders of your days. 

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Headline Your Needs!

You are radically more likely to get your basic needs meet when you announce them to your partner/friend/boss/parent. Examples: “I could use for you to hear me out before you respond” “I just need to vent right now; I don’t need you to fix anything or give […]

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Should I go to Therapy?

Should I go to Therapy?

The short answer to if you should go to therapy is Yes! To start, the question shouldn’t be if you need therapy, but would it benefit you. Very few people need therapy, and only in a few circumstances. When need is the issue, we are usually discussing inpatient residential therapy […]

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